conflagreat:

navytaxi:

y’all talk so much about shower thoughts what about washing the dishes thoughts

the only thought I have when washing dishes is ‘fuck this. I hate washing dishes’

genderfluidjourney:

Will i ever be loved..? Am i even worth loving? Someone please tell me.. i dont want to die alone..

burnonyou:

Jake: and this is my ex girlfriend, Amy

Amy: I told you to stop introducing me like that

Amy: I’m his wife

uglysnacc:

you might like getting choked but sea turtles don’t so keep your FUCKIN plastic out of the ocean.

uglysnacc:

you might like getting choked but sea turtles don’t so keep your FUCKIN plastic out of the ocean.

mechagodzilla:

mechagodzilla:

metroidtwo:

We live in an age where you can press a button and a deep web hitman shows up at your door and kills you. Technology is incredible.

what button

what fucking button

silently-screaming-insidee:

What’s the point in trying when nothing you do is good enough anyway

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

shiddi:

why the hell are we still on this stupid website

not straight enough for facebook & too ugly for instagram

ritavonbees:

asgardreid:

cardozzza:

dannydanuselessstuff:

artaline:

human: *is heating up food*

alien: why are you doing that?

human: you see i want the particles in my food to vibrate at just the right frequency

Human: *is eating ice cream*

alien: wait you forgot to make that one vibrate!

human: well, you see, not with this food

This one is already vibrating at he desired frequency, but if it starts to vibrate at a higher frequency I lock it back in the cold box.

Human: *just reheated pizza in the oven*

Other human: *is eating a slice of the same pizza, but cold*

Alien: *exasperated sputtering*

Human: shots! shots! shots!

Alien: this liquid has negligible nutritional value and, furthermore, contains some molecules that I believe are poisonous to your species.

Human: …look, sometimes we just like to gather in social groups and disorient ourselves